I’m not a huge figure skating guy. Unless of course, the event involves Elvis Stojko going upside Eric Lindros’ head…allegedly…then I’m down. Or one potential Gold medalist is challenging his chief competitor’s manhood and questioning his courage. Which is exactly what Russian Evgeni Plushenko is doing to American Evan Lysacek!

Plushenko, leads Lysacek in the short program and is clearly trying to infect his dome by calling him out for his refusal to attempt a quad jump, a move that Lysacek has nailed before, but no longer does after suffering a fracture. Plushenko says triple jumps are so 1990’s and to not even try one is to set the sport back a couple of decades.

This is exactly what this sport needs! A Russian figure skater who’s rocking the business in the front and party in the back, calling his American counterpart a punk! This cat is the “Ivan Drago” of figure skating. Except instead of ‘roids, a flat-top and Brigitte Nielson, he’s rocking a Camaro cut. And breaks out the invisible sword after his routine! And you know he’s in this kid’s head.

Either way, you got my attention. This is the best thing to happen to figure skating since Tonya Harding sent her goons out to get Nancy Kerrigan. An absolutely horrible thing to happen to Kerrigan, but a terrific boon for the sport!

Maybe Lysacek should get the band back together and bang Plushenko on the knee. Because short of him trying that quad jump, it’s probably the only way he beats him. And the guy with the “achy breaky big mistake” knows it.